I’d Like to Report an Alien

Your DGB for today is to troll VOICE, aka Victims of Immigrant Crime Engagement.

Donald Trump and Homeland Security rolled out a brand new hotline for people to call and report if you have been a victim of or a witness to a crime committed by “removable criminal aliens.” We are asking you to flood their line with calls about anything an alien has done to you; not just any alien though, The X-Files kind.

The hotline number is 1-855-48-VOICE. They have already been inundated with alien crimes since their roll out last week, and we want to keep the party going. So, whether you were spying on your neighbor and saw them get impregnated by an alien, or they stole the garden gnome from your front porch for nefarious purposes, or just came in and abducted your sister during a game of Stratego, do your due diligence as a citizen of the United States and report these reprehensible crimes. Bonus points if your story has anything to do with an actual X-Files episode. Let us know if Mulder, Scully, or any other Men In Black pay you a visit. We want to believe.